Having a Baby and Losing It

It's been six weeks since I had a D & C, they keep on saying this without telling me what it is. So I checked the internet and found out that D and C refers to dilatation and curettage. "It is a procedure in which the vaginal canal is held open with a speculum and the cervix is dilated with a metal rod. A curette is then passed through the cervical canal into the uterine cavity where endometrial tissue is scraped away and collected for examination."

I was so innocent with what happened to me, I didn't remember that a speculum was inside me, I thought it was just a bad dream. I never imagine it could fit inside, I also could not imagine the OB's hand fitting inside my vagina, hmm of course how can the baby get out?

Now after six weeks of resting ang recovering I am starting over. Trying to forget that I lost my baby. But I was not completely well I guess. Recently, I watched "Paano Kita Iibigin" and I was crying and affected by the movie when I saw a mother taking care of a sick child. Will I ever be a mother again?

Now, I am focused on parenting our Shih Tzu dog, Cassie and I am trying hard to be a good pet owner to her. I realized that if "you give a little love, it all comes back to you". This quote is for everybody including animals, after bonding with Cassie and making her sleep, she is starting to cuddle me and stay beside my side of bed. Cassie likes Irwin more because he plays with Cassie so they sleep together but not with me. I am surprised when Cassie for the longest time finally sleep beside me.

I am confident that I am going to be a good mother.