Saturday, June 06, 2009

What I Really Want to Do

What I really want to do is to be a full time mother to Kiara. I do not want to work not because I do not like my work but I like being with Kiara best. I am a workaholic and just like what the Bible says " you cannot serve two masters" and if I have work, I tend to prioritize it more than Kiara. Then I would feel guilty for not spending time with Kiara. Being a teacher is full of hard work, you have to prepare for your class and then even if an ordinary office girl finishes her work in the office, a teacher sometimes has to bring home work. I was able to manage my time when Kiara was smaller. I do not bring any work at home because I can't find time to do it. I do it at school but I am pressed for time, the quality of my work is compromised and I do not want a half-baked work. I can be an effective mother but not a good teacher and I think I have to let go one and I want to let go being a teacher.

I know myself, I've been dreading this time, before Kiara was born I was contemplating of leaving work or asking for a re-assignment. I would accept a job as a telephone operator that does not require a lot of thinking. Then maybe by 5pm I could rush home to be with my baby. Leaving all the worries behind not thinking of doing any quizzes or exams. Even if I am with Kiara, I keep on thinking of all the unfinished things to do and I can't be happy at the moment.

This is my big problem. ME. I am my own problem. I guess I have to concentrate on Kiara when I am with her and not think of anything else. I really have to make her a priority, sacrifice some sleep if I want to be an ever effective teacher, like what I am doing, doing my class work when everybody else is sleeping.

Or maybe change my style of teaching. I am very factual, knowledge, knowledge. I would try to go for higher-thinking skills and then maybe require them for a to-die for exam or project. ;) I will have to adjust myself to the changing times. Every time, every effort counts.

I promise to be at home right away and not stay late at school.
I promise to teach Kiara everything she needs to know, especially how much we love her.
I promise to be a good mother.

SO Help me GOD..

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